As I sit here in my dream apartment I realise how its not just the surroundings that have changed, but everything I like and stand for.
In the last year I have left my relationship of 10 years and started over. In ‘our’ place we had walls covered in superhero comic book art. I loved my massive Superman print, my rare comic book covers framed to preserve them and even the movie prints we both loved. Our walls were filled with art and pictures that defined us, who we were as a couple. He loved bikes and coffee so there were lots of coffee art and bike prints and bike ornaments. Even our bedside lamps were bikes.
We used to live by the sea so beach scenes were important too.
The pain of separating all our stuff was sometimes not so bad, others heart breaking. I gave away all the superhero prints to him as he loved them more. And weirdly, if we were no longer a couple somehow the things I bought and loved no longer gave me the same feeling.
10 years of your life is a lot and we still love each other, actually it was never the love that was in question. Sometimes love alone isn’t enough.
So, here I sit in my new place. Its literally my dream apartment. I had images for over a year of my perfect home. Whilst i always thought i wanted a house, I didn’t. I wanted somewhere that I could feel safe and inspired.
I sit here typing on my laptop at my expensive dining table because it cost so much I refuse not to use it ALL the time. (my table). I look around and so no trace of the girl who loved to fill her walls with superheroes instead I see 3 Buddha ornaments. I have salt lamps and walls are filled with inspirational words and quotes I wrote and printed myself as shop bought didn’t give me the same feeling.
I can see the table by the floor to ceiling windows where I have all my crystals laid out. It was a full moon last night and well forget the werewolves, full moons are for charging my crystals and the little crystal Buddha I bought for a friend. Must give them it fully charged.
Like who is this crazy person? I don’t recognise myself sometimes. Yes I still look the same (well my hair is longer and blonder I will admit) but on the outside. I am still me. On the inside, well that’s where the transformation really happened.
When people talk about ‘finding themselves’ it always seemed bizarre. It wasn’t until I chose to put me first. Until I chose to live in MY dream home and then chose to embrace mindfulness, energies and discovered crystals. It was only then I realised, actually if you can lose yourself so why does it seem strange to find yourself again.
I love my Buddhas. I LOVE my meditation room (yes I have a room just for meditating). I love my essential oil diffuser’s in different rooms and I love my inspirational quotes, crystals and all that spiritual woo woo stuff.
It makes me feel calm, it helps me stay grounded and feel safe AND above all else, why not! If there is a chance a crystal will emit stress reducing energy then I am all in! Positive attracts positive.
Who needs superheroes? I found the hero in me and I’m OK with that!
Love & Light,